reveilation | IC INBOX

[ Terry was more than prepared for Kido to be extremely mad at him, so he nods. He does feel a little better after hearing Kido say that his efforts weren't completely for naught, even though it had been so many years since then. He quietly breathes out again. ]

... Thanks. Sorry, but I think you need to start asking the questions now. It's hard trying to remember everything that happened here, and I'm still trying to think back on it.

[ ...Fine, she'll give a little, since thousands of years is a hell of a long time to remember back to, and Kido herself has worrying gaps of memory spanning less than two weeks ago. But she also has to fall quiet and stare at her hands for a moment, because out of everything she'd been through and was feeling over the past few days, she never stopped to make a list of questions, expecting Terry to tell her everything and she wouldn't need to bother. He and his Shadow already hit on all the major things, and what's more important to Kido is that he understands that she'd rather be upset knowing the truth than being happy and ignorant, so she won't put him through the wringer over that anymore.

So, all that aside, the most burning questions she has... ]

...Did you hate me? All those times I yelled at you and hit you? The times when I was being stubborn, and when I was scared of you? How I kept returning to the dungeon to get you back, but I couldn't save you, and all I did was get your Shadow angry and make everything worse? And Nekogami, when he seriously tried to kill you too... He was so angry. That scared me so much, that the last time you'll ever see me, it was like that.

[ There's a lot about her personality that's just downright terrible, and she must be very frustrating to deal with a lot of times. She greeted Terry with a punch; he gave her a hug. She's never been ashamed by the way she acts, but she is now. ]

No.

[ The answer is immediate after she's done talking. ]

I never hated you. Well, it's more like... I couldn't even if I wanted to. Not that I ever wanted to anyway. I can understand that I deserved most of the scolding and hitting back then too.

[ Probably? He doesn't think he had a moment where he resented Kido for hitting him. There was that one time where he yelled at her during their first Lockdown in which she threw the phone square at his face, but that wasn't particularly... hate nor resentment. He only remembers that moment because. Seriously. His phone was weaponized so quickly.

... That aside. That brainwashing moment is something that still unsettles him to this day. ]

I can also understand why you did all that, like coming back when we told you not to. It's just how you are, not giving up when there's an opportunity right in front of you. I told you not to come back because I thought I wouldn't ever be able to accept my Shadow. There's... no way I can be mad at you for that, especially since I was in the middle of incredibly harsh self-loathing. I was a coward, who put my friends' lives on the line for the sake of my own ego.

[ They say that the bottom most and worst circle of hell is for betrayal, and Terry really feels like his mind had been inside it for so long. ]

I... felt guilty for the longest time. I promised to protect you, but I was the one who attacked you--nearly killed you. It's no wonder Nekogami was furious with me and wanted to kill me in return. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to beg for your forgiveness, but I figured that wouldn't be enough either...

[ Terry lowers the towel on his head to cover a portion of his face, held by his hand as if he's drying his face. ]

[ Hey, that time she threw the phone in his face was legitimate self defense, in Kido's point of view, anyways. It was her mistake and she never apologized for it... Come to think of it, she barely ever apologizes for anything she does wrong, but freely apologizes for other things, like "Sorry about the mess" when inviting people over, or "Sorry you got pulled into this situation" when meeting new Persona users. Situations aren't really things she can control directly, but her actions are— and most of the time, they're strongly justified. Every time she lashes out, she felt justified for doing so, and never thought anything wrong about it because people just let her be that way. ]

Yeah, you're a coward. You're selfish and you give up too easily.

[ She keeps her gaze level, staring at the towel over Terry's head. ]

But you just wanted to be yourself until the very end, isn't that what you told me? People put their lives above everything else. Sometimes they do terrible things to achieve that, but the drive to live is natural. So even if I hate it and think it's stupid, I get it. I never talked about it much, but all those times I died back home, I was killed because somebody desperately wanted to live, and my existence prevented that. I can hate something and accept it at the same time, because I get where you're coming from.

[ She can't really hold her death over his head anyways, because that natural drive to live is something she teeters in the balance of. It's not like she returned to the dungeon expecting to die, but she was prepared for it. ]

[ Hearing that makes Terry sad. It's not as if they can change the circumstances surroundings their lives no matter how much they wanted to, and this is probably why it's such a tragedy in the first place. You can't see things in black and white, is what he decided a long time ago. He slides the rest of the towel down. His hair is unbelievably messy without any attempts to make it relatively neat. The lenses of his glasses are wiped down, cleaning them and giving Terry HD vision. ]

But, still... I... I didn't want to see you die. [ Again. ]

I'm sorry.

I know you didn't. And I know you're sorry.

[ There's nothing about accepting the apology or forgiving him or anything like that, but Kido slides off her desk and stands in front of him before pulling him into a hug. ]

So next time, if you're there and can do something about it, don't let me die. Next time, I might not be able to come back, and I won't ever see you again. I want as much time as possible with you before that happens.

[ Hearing that from Kido pretty much solidifies his belief that since Kido died way too many times, her next death might as well turn her into a permanent zombie. It's a fear that he doesn't want to turn real and he returns her hug tightly. ]

I don't think I can handle not seeing you again for a long time... or even forever. I don't want that to happen anytime soon either. I want a lot of time with you too. I missed you so much. I'm glad I had a chance to talk this out with you. I thought I'd never be able to see you again.

[ ... ]

I want to be happy, with you.

[ Kido doesn't even think about the zombie thing... she's sort of under the impression that she'll physically leave and never come back, dead in her world and gone from here. It can't just be her soul or whatever doing all the travelling, because she'd woken up in the hospital that one time full of wounds, didn't she? Even though she doesn't remember anything like that happening back home... And then that time after she met with Terry's Shadow the first time, she had woken up after with gash straight across her entire stomach but not on her side where that ax had struck, and nothing like that happened at home either, so she has no idea what happened. There are too many gaps, especially around the times of her deaths, and she doesn't want to keep losing more and more even if she does come back each time. ]

I said so before and it still holds true: I'm happy with you just being here. If you're here, it doesn't matter if we fight, because we can always work things out. So don't be afraid to tell me things, okay?

Mm... okay.

[ He lowers his head to rest it on Kido's shoulder. She still feels cold, and he's not sure if it's getting better or worse. ]

Yeah, definitely. Thanks Kido, for accepting me.

[ And because he wants to, he lifts Kido up and places her on his lap while she faces the side and resumes hugging her in that position. ]

[ She makes a startled noise at being picked up, but Terry never listened to her wanting a warning anyways. Ugh... It's not so bad if she sort of curls in on herself out of embarrassment and leans against Terry's chest to listen for his heartbeat. That doesn't exist anymore, I guess, but it keeps her occupied trying to find it anyways. ]

Well... yeah... Thanks for accepting me despite how I am, too.

[ Yeah, there is no heartbeat. It's fine. He's still alive without one anyway. Thanks, magical science. Apart from that, everything else is normal and Terry doesn't think it's relevant to know, and he's definitely not thinking about it because the fact itself normalized after several years of it happening. If she wants to know, she'll have to bring it up herself. Other than that, it's cuddling time and Terry is going to take all the time he can get with Kido. He kicks his legs in the air a little. ]

Yeah, like how you're being really cute right now.

I'm not! You're just being embarrassing!

[ If she had free arms, she'd be smothering Terry's face with her palms. If she gets fingerprints all over his glasses, he'd deserve it. She doesn't struggle too much to get out of his hold, but it's still really uncomfortable doing this sort of thing at a school instead of at home. Terry might not have any shame, but Kido does. ]

I think I said this before, but if you don't like it, you can tell me and I'll stop.

[ He has shame... stares at his thread with kano. Though it won't stop him from being affectionate with Kido here because he's still selfish years later and he wants to eat up all her love. He'll just give her a small kiss on the cheek for starters, even if she's still cold. ]

...I don't hate it.

[ She wishes he'll stop, but it's so she can not be so red in the face and make a fool out of herself being this way. She hates it but she also doesn't hate it and everything is terrible and complicated and it needs to not be at school. ]

Just... in private... maybe. It was nicer before, on the bed.

[ Not in a room where the doors have windows and anybody can walk in at any time. She can just make them both invisible? She doesn't think about that; she can't really think at all. ]

[ Terry was about to suggest her eye powers, but.

...

He feels his face heating up at what Kido said. They did it before, yeah, but hearing it like that makes Terry stop and think about other things, but at least he can control himself. Yeah. Yeah... he'll keep telling himself that. ]

Did you... get a lot bolder than I remember...?

[ Because holy shit, Kido. ]

No!!

[ He's not allowed to look embarrassed because that just makes her even more embarrassed and self-conscious and SHE SAID ON THE BED NOT IN IT AND oh my god she's just going to get out of Terry's arms now and run away ]

[ asdgdsjh... Terry doesn't let go of Kido. Sorry, Kido. You can't run away from this problem right now. He's not going to let you. Though he's just holding her in place on his lap and not much doing anything else. Despite the embarrassment, he's sorta in a teasing mood too, so that can't be good. ]

I didn't think you'd suggest something like that...

Hey! Listen to what I'm saying!!

[ Don't just ignore her!? Kido is never in the mood to be teased, but seeing as she can't punch him anymore without getting her fist caught, Terry's hands are occupied right now and so she does the next best thing, which is place her freezing hands on his face and squish his cheeks. Chill out, mister. ]

[ COLD!!! It feels like someone just yanked him down to the ground and slammed his head. He does indeed chill out, but when she squishes his cheeks, he doesn't mind it. Kido's touch is nice. ]

Sorry, I couldn't help myself...

Yes, you can. Do your best. I believe in you.

[ Terry's face is also nice and warm so Kido keeps her hands there. She can sap away all his heat and never get any warmer herself, but it'll be nice while it lasts. ]

[ Despite everything, Terry smiles. He wishes her hands could be warm again, but it's not like he hates the cold touch either. ]

Mhm... I'll do my best for you.

[ Even if he feels like he's being tested sometimes. ]

Did you have any plans today?

[ It'll be a literal trial next month, so ganba ]

Plans... Oh, I did have something I wanted to do. Do you want to come with me, or do you have to get going?

I don't have to go anywhere, but...

[ He feels a bit tired. He's done a lot before meeting Kido, so his entire body feels like it's screaming out of exhaustion. ]

... I'll rest a bit first. If you need me, you can call me.

Sure. Will you be resting here in the classroom or somewhere else? I don't really want to call and wake you up if I need you.

[ But classrooms still suck for sleeping. School sucks!! It needs to be next month so she doesn't have to live in the school. ]

Here. I don't want to work up the energy to find a separate sleeping space...

[ He yawns and takes off his glasses to put them in the case. It may be morning, but he needs some sleep. ]

Call me anyway. I'll wake up.

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