reveilation | IC INBOX

Thanks, Kido... it shouldn't take too long.

[ He quietly breathes out and he's quiet as he tries to pinpoint the reason why Nekogami is mad at him and how he can make up for it. Having those dream needles flung toward him was kinda scary. ]

[ I can't believe you're going to make me type this out.

But Nekogami isn't mad so much as he's gotten protective over Kido. Personas are born from one's heart, crystallization of thought and emotion, and when Kido's around Terry, she gets incredibly nervous. Because he's always smiling around her, because he holds her hand, because he hugs her even when she gets mad and he said "suki" that one time and

because she likes him and therefore never wants to bring any of this up.

Nekogami takes after Kido's heart and so the reaction to all this internal turmoil is to lash out and protect her from all of that, and Terry gets the brunt of it because it's effectively his fault. He can't make up for it. ]

[ If the head injury didn't kill Terry, this might as well have.

He didn't expect to learn this and his mind effectively short-circuited after it sunk in. For a second, he thought there was something wrong with pinpointing even though it had never made a blatant "wrong finding". He can't really deny the finding now, and honestly, he kinda wishes Vassago's Makajama would make him forget what he just learned, but those only end up being temporary anyway, so there's no point. Might as well face it now, despite his disbelief.

Speaking of face, he feels his face heat up to the point his face just turns red as the mark on his forehead. Maybe the ice will melt faster and somehow keep Kido's jacket dry from the heat. That's how much he's embarrassed right now. ]

[ We can all die here.

Kido, at least, is resolved to not look at him while she sits with her back against the tree, pointedly staring out into the distance and contemplating whether she should get her earbuds and music player out of her pockets to listen to.

Everything's fine. She doesn't notice anything. She can just sit here forever until Terry gets up or says something. ]

[ Umi, who was comfortably curling up on Terry's chest, just starts rolling on him now. Cats love warm stuff. The other three kittens come over because they're wondering why Umi is having so much fun and ah yes. This is good. It's a nice demigod space heater. They're also rolling around uselessly on Terry. Terry eventually snaps out of it and... kitties, why. He sits up, still feeling a little warm as if he woke up from a fever dream, making all the kittens slide down to his lap. The jacket falls from his face too. His eyes seem to be unfocused as if they're staring at nothing while Terry tilts his head down.

... ]

Where am I again...?

Edited 2019-08-19 23:08 (UTC)

[ Man, she's jealous, she wants the love and attention of the cats too but will have to settle for picking her jacket off and shaking whatever ice and water is left out of the hood.

...

Terry's face sure is red still. ]

In the forest, still near the edge of it. What's up? Do you feel sick?

[ Is this a fever? She presses the back of her hand against his forehead, but it's cold from the ice so she can't tell at all. ]

[ It's like a weird mix of hot and cold, but Terry shakes his head slowly. ]

No, I don't feel sick. I'm... fine.

[ He quietly breathes out in an attempt to calm himself. The kittens disperse, all of them going back to Ami, but the mother cat picks Umi up by the scruff and plops her next to Kido. She trusts Kido with her child now. ]

Can you help me up?

[ She is very very tempted to say no and pick up the cat instead, but Kido bends over to pat Umi on the head first before taking Terry's hand and pulling him up onto his feet. ]

Up you go. Unsteady at all, or is this alright?

[ Terry has all day, so he honestly could have waited for Kido to finish doting on Umi, but he's a little happy. ]

I'm feeling alright now. Thanks, Kido. The ice helped.

[ He doesn't let go of her hand though. In fact, he holds it a little tighter. ]

Let's go?

[ Kido wants to die for various reasons today, that's fine. ]

...Yeah, okay.

[ She makes sure her jacket's folded up properly so nothing falls out of the pockets, before starting off the walk though, with an apologetic glance down at Umi. Sorry, kitty, your ride's soggy right now, so you're going to either have to walk or scale Kido's leg and back to sit on her shoulder. ]

[ Umi nuzzles Kido's ankle and goes to prance over to her family to walk with them instead. Maybe next time, hooman.

Terry tries to get the gist of what's around them and the path necessary to take to get to the shrine with a quick pinpointing session and starts walking. ]

Hey, Kido... Nekogami really likes you a lot, huh?

Hm? I guess...

[ She never thought about it that much, but she supposes it must be so, seeing as Nekogami's taken to hanging out on her shoulders and never minded being used as a portable AC or to provide ice to cool people down. ]

It was tough at the beginning, since I was pretty freaked out because of... you know...

[ Because he's a ghost cat and she's scared of ghosts and being called "ghost girl" always made her cry when she was little and she doesn't like admitting she likes cute things like cats. Nekogami, as a whole, was like being faced with all her insecurities and forced to not only accept them as a part of herself, but be willing to parade them around if she wants Nekogami's help.

Unlike every other person in Cetana, Kido was able to accept her Persona and what it represents. ]

But we get along well now, and it's like we understand each other. Why do you ask?

That's good to hear.

[ Terry is glad that at least Kido doesn't have to deal with Persona turmoil. He swallows the feelings of unease, pushing them back to the depths of his mind and keeps a smile on his face as usual. ]

I was just wondering, since it looks like some other people are having a hard time.

Like you and Vassago?

[ She hasn't seen anybody else's Personas go berserk, just Terry's, and it's still a pretty frightening memory when she thinks back on it. ]

Has it gotten any better between the two of you?

... To be honest, I don't know.

[ He walks ahead by a step or two in a poor attempt to not let Kido see his face while they make their way to the shrine. He's not sure what kind of face he's making right now, but he knows that he's no longer smiling. It's a mix of confusion, a tinge of regret, and resignation. ]

I'm not scared of him though.

[ His words are enough to make her look his way, with furrowed brows and a frown on her face as she squeezes his hand a little to make him slow down. ]

Being scared doesn't really have anything to do with it, though? If two people aren't scared of one another, they're just going to keep butting heads. But Kurusu said we're to learn to get along with our Personas if we want to use them to their fullest potential.

[ ...If Vassago is this destructive while butting heads with Terry, he'll probably be unstoppable once Terry gets his act together. ]

[ Terry is quiet, but he does slow down a little when Kido squeezes his hand. He slightly turns his head to the side away from her. His voice is a little quiet. ]

... Yeah, you're right. Being scared has nothing to do with it. But I know for sure that I'll never be able to fully get along with him.

Edited 2019-08-20 03:45 (UTC)

...Isn't that alright too?

[ Having Nekogami around always sends a chill down her spine, but maybe that's because the temperature drops so much. But she doesn't think fully getting along with anybody is plausible either. ]

One of my siblings is even worse than you, so I punch and yell at him a lot. But I still love him, 'cause he's my brother. I do the same with you, but we get along fine enough too, I think.

[ ... The poor guy. Terry can't help but smile at that a little. ]

Maybe that was the wrong wording. I don't think I can accept him.

[ The trauma her siblings had to grow up with weren't their deaths or their eyes, but Kido's fist. ]

None of him? Even something superficial like he looks cool? Or that his wings are useful?

Maybe at first, I could have, but I feel like I learned a bit too much...

[ His curiosity always fights his passive trait of wanting to live with ignorance for certain things in life. ]

Or maybe that's why I don't like him either. He's strong. He's useful. He looks cool. If I have to stop and think about it, every time I see Vassago, I... [ like a continuation of the torn page-- ] ... feel disgusted with myself.

[ ...She doesn't really know what to say about that. In the past, she had similar sorts of feelings looking at herself in the mirror and seeing only flaw after flaw. Somewhere along the way, she must have grown out of it, she thinks, probably because those flaws stopped mattering and nobody cared if she was one way or another. She found herself a new family and was loved unconditionally. That's not really something she can put into words, so she just steps in a little closer so that she's walking shoulder to shoulder with Terry. ]

I know it doesn't mean much, but nobody expects you to be perfect or anything like that. For every thing you don't like about him, or whatever about you he's supposed to represent, there's ten good things.

[ Words are words. As empty as words can be, they're always backed up with emotion and intent that doesn't make them feel as empty anymore. His optimism feels like it's shrinking every day with the amount of things that fill his words, and perhaps it may be inevitable that Vassago turns rouge after getting immensely stronger to destroy whatever life Terry has left at that point.

Even so, he still wants to live his life. Not the original Terrence's, but his own.

He interlaces his fingers with Kido's when he feels that she's close enough to walk shoulder to shoulder with him.

Suddenly, a fear creeps into his heart: if one day, should he choose to become what he should have been, he'd lose everything. He ran away. He can almost hear the blameworthy accusations echo in his mind.

... ]

Ten good things, huh...?

[ He wonders if they would outweigh the single bad thing he has in mind. ]

Thanks, for doing your best for me.

[ He gives her hand a small squeeze. ]

...Yeah. I'm not really good with words, but I'll keep trying.

[ Doing her best, but it's not enough to smooth things over. It's not surprising, as she's never been good at lifting a gloomy mood like... basically everybody else in her family is able to, and she sure feels that now as the only thing she can do is squeeze his hand back and hold on tight. ]

Don't worry about Vassago for today, okay? Personas... are tools, but they're not a necessity.

[ It's not like you need them. It's not like they have to fight in the dungeons at all. If looking at Vassago's just going to get Terry down, maybe it would be better if she asks for his omamori so Vassago won't be able to come out and bother him again. ]

[ They sure aren't necessary, Terry thinks to himself, which was the original train of thought he had when he went to explore the dungeon. He could fight by himself now that he had the power to, he could let loose on the Shadows to relieve his stress and most people won't scold him for it. Though, that way of relieving stress is only temporary at best, and an incredibly fleeting method at worst--his predisposition to violence only gets worse in a vicious cycle.

He remembers the Attendant's words--Personas aren't tools. They're a part of him. But even so, it's hard not to accept Kido's words because of how easier it is to settle into that sort of thought. ]

Okay.

[ He decides on what to do and works up a smile again. ]

Thanks for hearing me out.

[ ... ]

Let's go have some fun today.

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