reveilation | IC INBOX

[ What other rooms did he have... ]

With Jace... Are you okay, Terrence?

Ah, yeah. Sorry... I spaced out for a moment there. But yeah, I stayed with Jace several years. When I was home, I was usually in the living room or the kitchen. Playing games, reading, taking care of cats... that kind of stuff.

[ Though despite all that he said, his mind doesn't seem like it's fully here. ]

That sounds like a nice life. It's mostly what I did too, just hanging out, making sure nobody gets into too much trouble... You miss it?

[ WHY DON'T YOU MISS JACE ENOUGH TO WANT TO GO HOME haki i'm so sad about jace ]

[ BECAUSE HIS WORLD SUCKS ASS AND HE WOULD RATHER MOVE JACE INTO HIRAJIRO INSTEAD... it's a love that's never meant to be..........

Terry ponders a little. ]

Yeah, I miss that life. It was fun. I could take it easy.

[ He still loves fighting though, as much to everybody's chagrin around him. He looks a little wistful as his eyes don't quite meet Kido's. ]

... I didn't really have to think about anything other than living and having fun.

[ I'm going to destroy Hirajiro so Terry has to go home to Jace, I'm going to blow up every other world but Terry's ]

...You're such a kid sometimes.

[ That's how life should be, just living and having fun. There was a time when Kido's was like that too, before things came crumbling down, and every time she tries to rebuild it, something happens. Sitting here in this house, next to Terry, there's that sense of foreboding again every time she gets her hopes up. Happiness is a ticking time bomb. ]

It's not really something we can afford here, though, is it? I mean... look at Sasuke. He was fine every time I talked with him before, living and... [ having fun? citation needed ] And then all that happened.

[ But that world is gonna blow up too, Card.......... I can't even make a "and there was only one" joke because then it would be 0. 8(

What Kido says brings Terry's mind smack back down to this scene instead of it gone elsewhere. Shadows. Right. He really needs to talk about that. He looks clearly uneasy as he thinks about it, thinking about how he should approach the topic. Kido told him to just tell her up front, and that's what he resolves to do, but... how?

...

He mulls over it for a few more seconds before opening his mouth. ]

Kido, I... I could probably be next.

[ ): I guess we'll all die ]

What

[ This dinner isn't going to get eaten; Kido sets the plate aside before she upsets it all over the floor, turning to face Terry fully. ]

No, you'll be fine. I asked Akira about it— I didn't name names or anything, but I'm sure you'll be fine.

[ If you're absolutely resolved to be a good person no matter what, it doesn't matter if your inner Shadow is an asshole!! or something like that. There might have been some wires crossed. ]

... Huh?

[ That comes as a surprise. Terry thought he was doomed for sure from how the Attendants put it. ]

What did Akira say?

[ You're fine, Terry! Everything will be fine. ]

He confirmed that Sasuke formed a Shadow because he had some parts of himself that he couldn't accept, but had to in order to fix them. But for people with parts of themselves that can't be fixed, he said something along the lines of being a good person despite those parts. If you don't give in, and focus on being a good person, then it'll be fine.

[ Your true self is shit. Why would you want to accept that? You shouldn't have to. It was something like that. ]

"Focusing on being a good person" sounds really vague though...

[ Does he need to rack up invisible karma points now? Is that how it is? It sounds so easy and yet, he feels... like there's something off. It's not like he thinks Akira nor Kido would lie to him, and maybe that's how it really works, but seeing the black wisps around Vassago back in July really... makes him wonder. Doubt plagues his mind. ]

But if it's really like that, then... I guess it'll be fine.

[ Being a good person means not getting Souji, Akira, and Rei drunk all within 24 hours of each other /: Maybe this is why Terry has such bad karma ]

It's not like there's a hard and fast rule to this sort of thing. I wouldn't think so, anyways. ...I guess I'm a bit shaken too, after seeing Sasuke's Shadow. If somebody with my face talked like that to me, I'd punch her face in right away.

[ Terry lets out a quiet laugh when hearing that. ]

Yeah... Guess I'm just tired of having the real possibilities of people having my face and talking like that. I was just thinking... of the chance that I encounter my own Shadow. It would be really hard to accept it. I don't think I can--I tried to think of so many ways, but it's not like I can half-ass it either, since it would know what I'm thinking. The Shadow fight with Sasuke really helped me see that. And it's just... I don't know...

[ ... ]

I also realized that while I'm here, I've been having occasional relapses that make me sometimes act like my original.

[ He closes his eyes. Terry can already feel the disgust creeping into his heart again--the repulsive things that makes him want to dig into his own chest and free himself of the feeling, but he can't. He needs to keep living. He doesn't want to leave anyone behind anymore. ]

I can't keep track of it. It just happens randomly. It happened a lot more when I had a kid's body too. It felt like something was eating away at my mind, I--

[ His voice starts getting more frantic the more he talks about it. Please snap him out of it, Kido. ]

[ You're relying on the wrong person, Haki. When people talk this much about themselves, the last thing Kido wants to do is snap them out of it before they can get everything off their chest. "Shh, it's okay, just forget about it" is what she wants to say, but she can't.

So she just sits there, reaches a hand over to touch her pinky with his, and lets him talk. ]

[ The slight physical contact is enough for him to slowly calm down, so he cuts himself off and tries not to be so frantic. ]

I... I sometimes feel like I'm not even here. And I don't want it to be like that anymore.

[ He quietly breathes out, closes his eyes, and reopens them. ]

I can always support others, but I can't even support myself when it comes down to stuff like this. I hate it. I hate it so much...

[ Sounds like a split personality disorder, my dude. It's nothing Kido knows how to help with; there's nothing in her experiences that she can draw on and offer anything concrete, hates the fact that she doesn't have the words and doesn't know what to do and it isn't something you can just hug and magically make better. ]

To start... [ She breaks the silence on her end, and shifts her hand to cover his. ] You know that you don't need to draw support from only yourself, right? Like we were all there for Sasuke, we'll be there for you whatever happens too. I'll be there.

What are the times when you act like your original? I'll bring you back. I won't let it take over.

[ Terry feels so tired all of a sudden, but it has nothing to do with Kido, or their environment. After he let all those words out into the air, it feels as if the words cut off whatever strings held him up. He just wants to lie down or something, but it's not something he can just... do right now. It would probably alarm Kido if he fell all of a sudden, so he'll just. Do his best not to.

Well. Terry also hesitates a little, because it's not really... stuff he wants others to know, but. It's fine. Whatever. ]

I had a fight with Mondo last month. It got really bad. It felt like I had... bipolar disorder? Or something. It's weird because I never experienced this kind of stuff before coming to Hirajiro. I don't have a condition that usually makes me like that. I was healthy all around before coming here. That kind of stuff just happens at random times... I can't predict it, even though I tried so hard to try to find a pattern.

[ You know, despite his 0 to 100 real quick episodes, he can be... normal. Sorta. He appreciates Kido's hand over his though, even if there's a tired sigh. ]

I tried all that I could, but I feel like I still hit a dead end. I tried to think of all kinds of ways I could get better, but it's not working out. I've been working really hard to earn money for the house and all the other stuff so that I could forget about my problems, even if just an hour... 30 minutes. 10 minutes. Just some sort of temporary relief. It's kinda pathetic, but it really drives me to work hard, so that I can feel good about myself, even for a minute.

... I'd do a lot to get back the kind of life I had before, but it's not as simple as just returning to where I came from.

[ .........oh. Something dawns on Kido in the middle of all of that, and she closes her eyes for a moment, not to tune Terry out but to berate herself on something really really stupid. ]

Tomorrow, come with me to the hospital. I shouldn't have told you to stay away from it... Sometimes people crack because they're under a lot of stress, and you've been through a lot. We can talk to somebody about this. Somebody can help.

... Like a therapist?

[ Do they even have therapists in Hirajiro?? Terry doesn't look like he's gonna fight Kido's suggestion though. ]

Yeah, like a therapist. You'll go with me?

[ Who knows if they have a therapist... But she thinks it would be a good idea, anyways, because sometimes mental disorders are late onset? And considering everything everybody's gone through, it's a wonder that not all of them have gone crazy already. ]

... Yeah, I'll go. Though, I kinda wish they'd be a Persona user, because just talking about these kinds of things with anyone else who isn't used to weird stuff gets me weird looks and I might be classified as a crazy just for that alone.

[ Yeah, it's something, and Terry will definitely try if there is one. It's just.

gestures to hirajiro

gestures to everything in cetana

gestures to every demigod clone issue

yeah. ]

Terrence, the people around here see a cat walking on two legs or large dragons with flaming tails and they don't even bat an eye. Give them some credit for being used to weird stuff.

[ gestures to hirajiro

gestures to everything in cetana

all the townspeople are just "haha! cool, okay" and go on with their lives, Kido's sure these doctors have seen crazier shit than demigod clones ]

Is that what it is...? I thought they were all thinking we're just delusional people or LARPing.

[ lmao

anyway. ]

I'd just like it if I could be taken seriously, that's all...

[ There's some dedicated LARPers out there, if that's the case. ]

...I know. It's tough talking about this stuff unless it's to people who have the same problems, or they won't really get it... I wish Souji and Minato were as good as Rei says they are, because this seems like the sort of thing they should be "guiding" us on, doesn't it?

Well... [ Hm. ] I guess I can see why they could look like they have the answers to everything, but it's not like they're some omniscient gods, even if they're strong.

[ Terry has a rather low opinion on gods and such because of demigods and other similar beings doing whatever. ]

... Maybe they need a guide as much as we do sometimes.

[ The two of them wear fancy blue uniforms; that's got to count for something in terms of knowledge. ]

Not even answers, but... at least experience with this sort of thing. They've lived for so long, and could immediately tell when something was up with Sasuke. They have to know more than they're letting on, to be able to do that.

[ They don't even have to be omniscient! Just a little more open. More info-dumpy like Akira is, and not fearmongering like Minato is. ]

...Though, yeah, I kind of worry about them too. A little.

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