reveilation | IC INBOX

I won't have to.

[ Her emotions were so strong and raw that considering Kido's personality, Terry doesn't even have to check with his powers to know if she's telling the truth.

But he'll finally sit down while the swirl of emotions fade and his adrenaline sinking. He's considering that Kido's soul was torn from her body and sent back to her world, because it's definitely possible, at least back in his world, where she would live out ten years of her life there, continuing from where she "died" here. It could also be the reason why she's not dead right now when the time limit was up, her soul would be forcibly sent back here.

...

This is some crazy ass speculation, but it's always a possibility since it exists somewhere in this crazy multiverse that they all live in. ]

I'm sorry, that you had to go suffer like that. It must have been hard... sorry for calling it a dream.

Edited 2019-09-12 22:21 (UTC)

[ Terry might have calmed down, but Kido can't, because it's only been a handful of minutes for her that she'd been kneeling on the asphalt staring up at the barrel of a gun. She's still suffering and it's still hard and she's still scared and furious and shaking.

She had died once, in the dungeon, burning and suffocating, and she'd woken up from that. A second time, when her house blew up and collapsed in flames around her, and she had stood back up. A third, gunshot to the heart, gunshot to the head, but she's still here, isn't she? ]

I'm going back.

[ She pushes herself up from the bed, but it's her left side that she leans her weight on and her shoulder gives, and she crashes back down onto the mattress, and tries again. ]

I'm not— I can't let everybody die! He's not going to take everybody from me again!

You can't go, Kido.

[ He quietly breathes out and stands up in an attempt to hold Kido down to the bed by pushing down on her should that isn't wounded. ]

Remember? We're all stuck here. It's not a choice we can make. Sure, you must have gone to a place where time flowed differently, but in the end, you still came back.

[ ... He isn't sure if it was a good thing to wish for her back here--not because of how she's acting towards him right now, but rather if by doing so, he'd be taking away the one thing she wanted to do, was to be by her family back home.

...

It's a loss on either side. He doesn't feel happy about it. ]

[ Whether she'll end up thanking his wish for bringing her back, or scorning it for taking her away, it doesn't matter right now when she struggles against Terry, her right side stronger than her left but the pain still shoots up her side when she tries to twist away and she bites back a cry. ]

I went back there, didn't I?! Why should this place be the end of the line?! Even if I have to die again to get back there, even if—-

[ But a sob breaks through, and she can't complete her thought, thinking of Seto and Kano and how she won't ever see them again. It feels unreal. Like she can change things if she ignores rational thought and tries hard enough, it feels like she can just reach out and grab them and pull them close to her.

Unfortunately, all she's got is rational thought, and she knows they're gone forever. And so she cries. Even if she could save Mary, even if she could protect Momo and her brother and Ene too, what's the point if her two closest friends couldn't be saved either? ]

How am I supposed to live without them...

[ He doesn't know how to comfort Kido in times like these, so he isn't sure what to say. He could say that he's sorry, but for what? That her family back home died? Why? Because it's socially accepted to say sorry despite having no involvement? Or is it to say "sorry for your losses" which sounds equally as hollow? Terry wants to say something meaningful to Kido.

... ]

... They gave their lives to protect you when they could, didn't they? You're here, alive. So, maybe... you could live for them. If you just go off and die again, that's...

[ A waste. A pitiful waste. ]

... all that would have been in vain, probably. But I know you don't want that.

[ There's no right answer, no magical word or easy way to deal with grief that's still so recent and so raw. She wants to live, but she wants to live with them. Ten years. She's been with them for ten years and then suddenly, instantaneously, she's all alone, tears spilling out onto the sheets and she can't stop. It's such a hollow feeling, despair. When your heart's broken and there's no sound inside, you feel empty. The rest of the world starts to fade away and there's just nothing but the ache that clamps down on your chest and around your throat and makes it hard to breathe.

Without looking, she knows that the tips of her fingers are fading away, and that if she allows herself to be consumed with grief, she'll disappear altogether. And disappearing, nobody being able to see her or find her or help her, becomes terrifying all over again.

She doesn't know what to say either. She doesn't know what to do but reach blindly for Terry's shirt so she can press her face to his chest and listen for a heartbeat she can't feel in herself, so she can feel the warmth of another person when she feels cold and dead inside, so she can get what comfort she can, whatever Terry can offer, it's selfish but she's scared. ]

[ He shakily breathes out and it's reflected on his heart rate. It picks up speed for a second, but then it goes back to normal, an almost lethargic rate. And honestly, nothing is fine. Nothing is beautiful, but they still need to live, don't they?

Terry hugs her lightly so that he doesn't accidentally hurt her from her gunshot wounds and her still-recovering burns. Words, when spewed by Terry, doesn't feel like it has much of a positive effect when he wants it to. He thinks he's still pretty good at making Kido mad even when he doesn't want to, so he'll stay here with her, for her, in silence, because it's all that he can do. He thinks he felt something similar when he watched Mondo, Rei, and Kido turn into lifeless corpses, but he didn't exactly have the luxury of comfort, so he wants to do what he can to help Kido through her grief as much as he can.

Ten years, huh... that's a long time. ]

[ Any more words would have fallen on deaf ears with the way Kido cries, trying not to but she can't help it and holding her breath only makes it worst, her sobs punctuated by hiccups and taking a long time to go quiet. Her eyes hurt, her throat hurts, she's got a splitting headache and every inch of her body both inside and out aches enough to make her feel like screaming, but it's something she lets herself feel, because sadness and pain go hand in hand, and as long as she keeps her face buried against Terry's chest and doesn't move, it's bearable. As long as she can stay here and cry, she doesn't have to deal with the reality that every time it feels like she's found happiness, the people who made it so are taken away, and that thought makes her fingers curl on the hem of Terry's shirt, pulling the fabric taught. ]

...Can you stay tonight? Don't go.

[ She doesn't want to be left here alone. Not today. ]

I'll stay as long as you want me to.

[ It would be impossible for Terry to leave Kido like this, when he said that he'd be there for her when he can. Perhaps it's like a second chance, but all he can think of right now is that he needs to stay with her. He wants to. He'll even do his best to smile for her, even if she can't see it with how her face is buried into his chest, even if Terry really feels like crying too.

Maybe it's also selfish of him, but he's so, so glad that Kido is alive. He'd do anything. ]

[ Hopefully Terry doesn't have plans for the rest of his life, because Kido would want him to stay forever, here in the hospital until she's well enough to be discharged or Sasuke is kind enough to spirit her away from the hospital.

With a shaky breath, she lifts her head up to thank Terry, but catching the smile on his face only brings a surge of anger that pushes more tears out of the corners of her eyes. What the hell is he smiling for, when she'd just lost her family, and a part of her with them? He's trying to be kind, her heart tries to tell her, but he's so stupid, irrational thought cuts in, and it's confusing. And it hurts. Because she's reminded so much of Kano who would smile through anything, faking it because he doesn't want it to hurt any more than it is already- for him and for her. Not that this is the same thing, or that she thinks Terry is faking, but she's seeing that every little thing is going to remind her of the people she lost she can't handle it; she can't be strong like this, and doesn't want to be. ]

Don't smile. There's nothing happy about this.

[ Her being alive aside, but she doesn't think about that, when being alive here means people apart from people there. ]

You don't have to do anything more than just... be here. I just need you to be here, and don't leave me alone.

[ Sitting in silence and doing nothing... But his words aren't very effective right now and he makes her mad with every small thing he does, so all Kido really wants is his presence. Just him being him. That's all. ]

Yeah, I can do that.

[ He swallows his own feelings and drops the smile. Terry sits down on the edge of the bed now so that it could be a little more comfortable for Kido's posture. He's quiet after, even though he's the worst at sitting still and doing absolutely nothing. This wasn't what he had in mind when he talked with Kido about relaxing while doing nothing at all, but he takes all this in stride and just does it.

He looks ahead at the white wall of the room. There's nothing particularly interesting on it, but it's something to keep his eyes on while he gently pats Kido's back mindlessly in two-second intervals.

His exhaustion is very close to catching up with him, but he wills himself to stay grounded despite his current low energy levels. His head also feels like it's throbbing... ]

[ For Kido, sitting still and doing absolutely nothing is an escape, not something to escape from, so when Terry agrees and she can let go of some of that fear, go back to leaning on Terry with her ear pressed up against his heart and letting her eyes close as he pats her back. Her breath hitches every once in a while, but it's helping. Her nose is so stuffy she has to breathe through her mouth and her throat doesn't like that, threatening to close and making the hiccups worse. Her head hearts. Her heart does too, but hurting is so much better than feeling absolutely nothing at all.

The tears stop eventually. Her breathing evens out. She's fallen asleep, and it'll just be like this for the next couple of days. Waking up, rejecting reality, and going back to sleep. Inconsolable. ]

[ Terry will stay at the hospital for all those days for however long Kido wants him by his side. He takes out his phone, and inputs a long distance command to Rimi to watch over the house and feed the cats at certain time intervals. It sure is nice, having a house buddy at times like these. With a quiet sigh, he continues to watch over Kido. There are times when the nurses come to change Kido's bandages and apply an ointment that will help soothe the burn and wounds. They also recommend her to take painkillers, which are on the bedside stool. Terry temporarily leaves Kido's side when the nurses come, but not that far--just beyond the curtain pulled around the bed area and makes sure that Kido knows he's there, since she'd be able to see his feet.

He eventually gets his sleep too, and this would also repeat for the next several days. ]

[ Over the next few days, the healing is remarkable compared to what it would normally take: a couple of days instead of weeks for Kido's burns to heal, her left arm in a cast and shoulder in a splint that could be removed by the end of the month if she continues to do as well as she is, her head is fine and her heart is healing but only physically. She's quiet the entire time, only speaking when spoken to but otherwise she would go the entire day without speaking if she could get away with it, earbuds in her ears and eyes closed as she lies in bed so she can lose herself in a whole different world. She takes her painkillers, and sleeps the days away. Honestly, she feels selfish, keeping Terry here with her when she's like that, but she can't bring herself to tell him to go home. She's wasting his time. Selfish selfish selfish.

"Nowell-kun..." The nurse pulls him aside at the end of the week, when Kido is allowed to be discharged. She is here to give him more homework: do your best not to upset Kido, because it'll be hard for her to heal fully if she's overly emotional and distraught all the time; she's seen how every time Terry's in the hospital lately, somebody is either screaming or crying or dead. ]

[ He's been waking up these past several days with nightmares that they were killed again, and when he opens his eyes, he sees that they're fine. It reminds him of the nightmares he had during the first five years of his life, living in disgust, fear, and paranoia that no place felt like a safe haven, not even his dreams.

Terry has been all three at some point in the hospital, but he'll take the homework, since he's very determined to help Kido to fully heal, if only physically for now. Mental and emotional health are important too--he knows that--but they need to take this one step at a time. But the thing is, he's not sure how he should go about doing this. He's only ever talks about the first thing that pops into his head.

...

He really is only good for breaking things, huh.

Terry has only lived in a selfish way throughout his life, but it's not his turn to be selfish anymore. With that resolution made up in his mind, he nods at the nurse and... that's it. There's no retort. No backtalking. No whining. He signs all the paperwork after.

He quietly breathes out. Things are different now. Despite his mental exhaustion, he goes back to where Kido is on the bed. ]

Hey, ready to go?

[ Kido's sitting on the bed when Terry returns, a single bag on her lap that contains everything that she had with her before coming here, wearing a plain black t-shirt and long pants because her hoodies had gotten too burnt in the fire to salvage— both of them, the only things she had left of her parents, gone. It was only because she didn't want to get anything wet going through the first floor that her pockets were otherwise empty at the time, no phone or papers or anything, but it feels weird having no jacket pocket to stuff her hands in, and no hood to pull over her head and block out the rest of the world. All she has to distract is the hospital wrist band she fiddles with, replacing the omamori that she'd lost forever too.

But there's no helping any of that. Kido nods and gets up onto her feet, unsteady for how little she'd gotten out of bed the past few days, but after those first few steps, it looks like she's fine again. The first few steps are always the hardest, but she'll always push through, and she'll always be fine. ]

...Thanks for staying with me, Terrence. Let's go home.

[ It's a little strange to see Kido without her trademark hoodie, but he keeps his mouth shut and his mind bans that from ever going out of his mouth like several other thoughts he had before. He holds his hand out towards her. She's free to make that choice whether she wants to hold it or not. ]

Yeah, let's go home.

[ He smiles a little, glad to see that Kido can walk just fine. The past week has been a wild ride, and honestly, he's ready to rest. He wants to sleep off all the bad stuff and maybe brush the cats as distraction. He's never had a disdain towards hospitals before, but he'd rather be home. ]

[ Kido hands the bag over when Terry holds out his hand, because holding your hand out like that means "give"... But also because her left arm's in a cast, so she only has the right one free, and between holding the bag and holding Terry's hand, she has to free it up so she can curl her fingers around his, a loose grip but one that won't slip away.

No complaints about going home here, because no matter how much she sleeps in a hospital, there is no rest. Hospitals are just... bad memories, the blank white walls and the beeping and waking up in the middle of the night and imagining the nurse coming in to bother her mother again, frustrated and angry because maybe she would've gotten better if the nurse had left her alone and let her rest, maybe she wouldn't have died. But instead, it's Kido's own arm being poked, blood drawn, fluids replaced, the constant beeping driving her nuts because she can't tune that out like she can music. There's really no rest in a hospital. Even if she'd done nothing but sleep, had Terry there with her and she hoped he would be lying down and asleep whenever he could too, there's no rest.

She just wants to lie on the ground with ten cats piled on top of her and be like that forever. That'll work. ]

[ I'm a genie for your wish started playing in the background here. I guess the restaurant really wants Kido to be buried in cats.

Terry starts to wonder though, from how Kido talked about Konoha, where was he when Kido and her family was getting shot? Was he getting shot too? Did he already die?

...

It's a what-if. More importantly, it's a what-if in a world that he can't reach. Guess it won't ever matter now, since it already happened. Terry carries Kido's bag with one hand and holds her hand with the other. He quietly hums a tune on the way there:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away...

And he keeps his hold on her hand firmly. ]

[ Why would he hum such a sad song, Haki, oh my god. Even Kido recognizes the tune for it, and bows her head as she walks, too late to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks and having no spare hand to scrub them off her face. It's a bittersweet song, desolate and desperate, speaking of a love that's so tenuous when Kido had just lost so many people in her life that she loved, and her grip on Terry's hand tightens because she doesn't want to lose him too.

This is just how it is all the way home, I guess. Terry doesn't even have to say words out loud to make Kido sad. He's trying his best but grief is selfish and unreasonable and overly sensitive, it's not fair ]

[ Because he's also sad and didn't think Kido would recognize the song, but it turns out she does and Terry regrets it. He can't take this anymore. Why is everything he's doing end up in a way he doesn't want?

He easily starts carrying the bag over his arm instead of holding it by the hand and swiftly picks Kido up bridal style so that he doesn't agitate her wounds by positioning. By the time he's already done that, Vassago appears behind them and casts Makajama on Kido so that she'll forget how to stay awake for five minutes.

Go to sleep, Kido... ]

[ Terry dealing with his problems by knocking it out, mood.

Kido chokes back a sob when Terry picks her up, the last look she gives him being one of surprise— and fear... before the heaviness settles and her eyes flutter shut, the tension leaving her shoulders and her head dropping to tuck against Terry's chest.

Good night... Even if it's only for five minutes, once she's asleep, she stays asleep with the exhaustion that always settles in after she cries. And she's been crying on and off all week. But as long as she's held or if Terry is there, she can relax a little, knowing that he'll keep her safe. ]

[ Terry shakily breathes out and looks over at Kido with a sad look on his face. He wants to do something right to help Kido!! Why is this so hard!! Anyway, he knows the debuff won't last long, so Vassago vanishes when he's no longer needed and Terry zooms to the house, unlocks the door, and puts Kido on the bed in his room. Then he quickly starts cleaning her face, wiping her tears and tear stains. The kittens have been well fed and the black kittens that Kido named all trail over to Terry's room and paws at the bed. Terry carries them all and puts them on there. Umi followed too, so she also goes up the bed. They all surround Kido, some even snuggling next to her arms, one curled up on her chest, and Ami comes in, carrying Omi and the rest of the two kittens. It looks like they can tell when someone is extremely sad, so Terry helps them all up on the bed and they all go curl up next to Kido. It's a cat heaven in here...

After that, he knows the house hasn't been touched for several days, so he starts cleaning with a broom instead of a vacuum (he got one), but keeps the bedroom door open in case Kido needs something. ]

[ Terry is a fool who doesn't believe Kido when she says that the only thing she needed from him was to be there... Her default state is irritable and prone to tears anyways, and it's difficult to console anybody dealing with loss. Upon waking up, even, she was on the verge of going through the five stages of grief, with the first being anger.

Kido is very good at anger.

But the first thing she feels when she wakes up is the weight on her chest, the warmth, and the slow, uninterrupted rumble of a purring cat, and all of that anger dissolves away. One or two of the cats meow when she sits up in the bed, and the one lying on her chest slides off, to curl back over by her side. Hana-chan? Aiko? One of the black ones, but she can't remember their names, it's been ten years. But they seem to remember her, and Ami lets Kido bow her head and press her face into the soft fur on her back; she doesn't cry, just breathes and listens to the rumbling, and remembering Seto telling her that the purring of a cat is at the exact frequency to help heal wounds. Remembering how Kano used to turn into a black cat and prance around for her and Seto to cheer them up. Remembering them and missing them but she doesn't cry.

Maybe she's getting better. Maybe this is helping. It doesn't have to be direct to be thanks to Terry. ]

[ If only Terry knew... alas, this is his first time dealing with anything related to this. There's a first time for everything? Terry is still busy cleaning the house, but no longer with a broom this time. The sound of running water can be heard in the distance. He's probably washing something.

Ami is the true mother of this household, taking care of all these children. She doesn't mind Kido planting her face into her fur and keeps purring. Maybe she recognizes Kido's pain, like how the number of her children was originally five, but one was born weak, and so that one had left first. It sure has upgraded her motherly instincts, even extending that to the humans that she is more familiar with by now. She wonders where the yellow one has gone (Rei), but hopes that she will turn up soon. Hi I'm Haki and all I do is play cats in Cetana now.

In the meantime, Hana-chan bumps her head against Kido's when she bows down and purrs while nuzzling against her hair, even batting at it with its paws playfully. ]

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