reveilation | IC INBOX

[ She screams until her voice breaks, but the tears take longer to stop, breath hitching and tears spilling out anew every time she thinks she's calming down. But she can't, not when every time she closes her eyes, all she can see is blood spraying into the air and everything coming crashing down all around her.

When she feels the weight on her head, she startles badly and roughly throws his hand off of her, her voice scratching at her throat with the effort it takes to get them out. ]

It's not fine! How could you say that?! Ka- Kano! And Seto too! He killed them— he's going to kill Mary! How is any of that fine?!!

[ He withdraws his hand again when she reacts like that again and throws his hand off her. ]

... Kido, what are you talking about? You've been in the hospital this whole time... Did you have a bad dream?

[ It's a hateful look that crosses Kido's face as she throws punch number one at Terry's face— it's not even the stomach, but his face so she can make him shut up. She's absolutely livid, hearing him say that. ]

My family DIED, Terrence! Don't you dare brush that off and call it a dream!!

But--

[ The punch connects right at his forehead and Terry can feel his brain shaking inside his skull. He might have gotten a concussion from that before, but he's better about it now, so it doesn't take too long for him to regain his focus. ]

I'm not brushing it off! What else can it be?? You were here in the hospital the entire time!!

I was not in a hospital! I haven't been to a hospital in years— we were at the mall, we went to the amusement park, we were going home and then—-

[ And then it's like she's seeing the room itself for the first time, hearing the monitor behind her pick up as her heart thrums in her throat. The last thing she remembers is being shot, and now she's in the hospital. If that's true, then ]

Where's Kano? Seto? Is Mary here? Is Kisaragi alright?!

[ Terry doesn't know what to say. He usually has a retort or know how to bounce conversations back and forth, but he's stunned by all that Kido is saying. His head hurts and now he's exhausted. He's not sure if he can keep this up. ]

They were never here in the first place, Kido. You died on the fourth floor of the Dungeon because you were trapped in a burning storeroom and you've been here ever since. It's only been several days.

[ His voice is even and calm, though his expression looks anything but calm. ]

I don't have a reason to lie to you about this. You can ask the staff members here if you don't believe me.

[ Maybe that gunshot to the head rattled something in there.

But Kido falls quiet, pressing the heel of her palm to her forehead, because she does remember the dungeon. She remembers Terry, and that he wouldn't lie to her about something like this, but all of that feels so far away, and her head is pounding and makes it impossible to get things in order.

There was a fire. She was swallowed up by the flames and by a snake and when she opened her eyes again, she was lying in the middle of smoldering rubble. And life went on. She'd moved on. This world, Hirajiro, had been the dream she was caught in in the moments of her death, and then set aside once that was no longer the case.

And now she's back in the dream, clutching the sheets in her fist hard enough for it to hurt. ]

...It's been ten years. I haven't seen you in ten years. You can look in my head and see if I'm lying, can't you?

I won't have to.

[ Her emotions were so strong and raw that considering Kido's personality, Terry doesn't even have to check with his powers to know if she's telling the truth.

But he'll finally sit down while the swirl of emotions fade and his adrenaline sinking. He's considering that Kido's soul was torn from her body and sent back to her world, because it's definitely possible, at least back in his world, where she would live out ten years of her life there, continuing from where she "died" here. It could also be the reason why she's not dead right now when the time limit was up, her soul would be forcibly sent back here.

...

This is some crazy ass speculation, but it's always a possibility since it exists somewhere in this crazy multiverse that they all live in. ]

I'm sorry, that you had to go suffer like that. It must have been hard... sorry for calling it a dream.

Edited 2019-09-12 22:21 (UTC)

[ Terry might have calmed down, but Kido can't, because it's only been a handful of minutes for her that she'd been kneeling on the asphalt staring up at the barrel of a gun. She's still suffering and it's still hard and she's still scared and furious and shaking.

She had died once, in the dungeon, burning and suffocating, and she'd woken up from that. A second time, when her house blew up and collapsed in flames around her, and she had stood back up. A third, gunshot to the heart, gunshot to the head, but she's still here, isn't she? ]

I'm going back.

[ She pushes herself up from the bed, but it's her left side that she leans her weight on and her shoulder gives, and she crashes back down onto the mattress, and tries again. ]

I'm not— I can't let everybody die! He's not going to take everybody from me again!

You can't go, Kido.

[ He quietly breathes out and stands up in an attempt to hold Kido down to the bed by pushing down on her should that isn't wounded. ]

Remember? We're all stuck here. It's not a choice we can make. Sure, you must have gone to a place where time flowed differently, but in the end, you still came back.

[ ... He isn't sure if it was a good thing to wish for her back here--not because of how she's acting towards him right now, but rather if by doing so, he'd be taking away the one thing she wanted to do, was to be by her family back home.

...

It's a loss on either side. He doesn't feel happy about it. ]

[ Whether she'll end up thanking his wish for bringing her back, or scorning it for taking her away, it doesn't matter right now when she struggles against Terry, her right side stronger than her left but the pain still shoots up her side when she tries to twist away and she bites back a cry. ]

I went back there, didn't I?! Why should this place be the end of the line?! Even if I have to die again to get back there, even if—-

[ But a sob breaks through, and she can't complete her thought, thinking of Seto and Kano and how she won't ever see them again. It feels unreal. Like she can change things if she ignores rational thought and tries hard enough, it feels like she can just reach out and grab them and pull them close to her.

Unfortunately, all she's got is rational thought, and she knows they're gone forever. And so she cries. Even if she could save Mary, even if she could protect Momo and her brother and Ene too, what's the point if her two closest friends couldn't be saved either? ]

How am I supposed to live without them...

[ He doesn't know how to comfort Kido in times like these, so he isn't sure what to say. He could say that he's sorry, but for what? That her family back home died? Why? Because it's socially accepted to say sorry despite having no involvement? Or is it to say "sorry for your losses" which sounds equally as hollow? Terry wants to say something meaningful to Kido.

... ]

... They gave their lives to protect you when they could, didn't they? You're here, alive. So, maybe... you could live for them. If you just go off and die again, that's...

[ A waste. A pitiful waste. ]

... all that would have been in vain, probably. But I know you don't want that.

[ There's no right answer, no magical word or easy way to deal with grief that's still so recent and so raw. She wants to live, but she wants to live with them. Ten years. She's been with them for ten years and then suddenly, instantaneously, she's all alone, tears spilling out onto the sheets and she can't stop. It's such a hollow feeling, despair. When your heart's broken and there's no sound inside, you feel empty. The rest of the world starts to fade away and there's just nothing but the ache that clamps down on your chest and around your throat and makes it hard to breathe.

Without looking, she knows that the tips of her fingers are fading away, and that if she allows herself to be consumed with grief, she'll disappear altogether. And disappearing, nobody being able to see her or find her or help her, becomes terrifying all over again.

She doesn't know what to say either. She doesn't know what to do but reach blindly for Terry's shirt so she can press her face to his chest and listen for a heartbeat she can't feel in herself, so she can feel the warmth of another person when she feels cold and dead inside, so she can get what comfort she can, whatever Terry can offer, it's selfish but she's scared. ]

[ He shakily breathes out and it's reflected on his heart rate. It picks up speed for a second, but then it goes back to normal, an almost lethargic rate. And honestly, nothing is fine. Nothing is beautiful, but they still need to live, don't they?

Terry hugs her lightly so that he doesn't accidentally hurt her from her gunshot wounds and her still-recovering burns. Words, when spewed by Terry, doesn't feel like it has much of a positive effect when he wants it to. He thinks he's still pretty good at making Kido mad even when he doesn't want to, so he'll stay here with her, for her, in silence, because it's all that he can do. He thinks he felt something similar when he watched Mondo, Rei, and Kido turn into lifeless corpses, but he didn't exactly have the luxury of comfort, so he wants to do what he can to help Kido through her grief as much as he can.

Ten years, huh... that's a long time. ]

[ Any more words would have fallen on deaf ears with the way Kido cries, trying not to but she can't help it and holding her breath only makes it worst, her sobs punctuated by hiccups and taking a long time to go quiet. Her eyes hurt, her throat hurts, she's got a splitting headache and every inch of her body both inside and out aches enough to make her feel like screaming, but it's something she lets herself feel, because sadness and pain go hand in hand, and as long as she keeps her face buried against Terry's chest and doesn't move, it's bearable. As long as she can stay here and cry, she doesn't have to deal with the reality that every time it feels like she's found happiness, the people who made it so are taken away, and that thought makes her fingers curl on the hem of Terry's shirt, pulling the fabric taught. ]

...Can you stay tonight? Don't go.

[ She doesn't want to be left here alone. Not today. ]

I'll stay as long as you want me to.

[ It would be impossible for Terry to leave Kido like this, when he said that he'd be there for her when he can. Perhaps it's like a second chance, but all he can think of right now is that he needs to stay with her. He wants to. He'll even do his best to smile for her, even if she can't see it with how her face is buried into his chest, even if Terry really feels like crying too.

Maybe it's also selfish of him, but he's so, so glad that Kido is alive. He'd do anything. ]

[ Hopefully Terry doesn't have plans for the rest of his life, because Kido would want him to stay forever, here in the hospital until she's well enough to be discharged or Sasuke is kind enough to spirit her away from the hospital.

With a shaky breath, she lifts her head up to thank Terry, but catching the smile on his face only brings a surge of anger that pushes more tears out of the corners of her eyes. What the hell is he smiling for, when she'd just lost her family, and a part of her with them? He's trying to be kind, her heart tries to tell her, but he's so stupid, irrational thought cuts in, and it's confusing. And it hurts. Because she's reminded so much of Kano who would smile through anything, faking it because he doesn't want it to hurt any more than it is already- for him and for her. Not that this is the same thing, or that she thinks Terry is faking, but she's seeing that every little thing is going to remind her of the people she lost she can't handle it; she can't be strong like this, and doesn't want to be. ]

Don't smile. There's nothing happy about this.

[ Her being alive aside, but she doesn't think about that, when being alive here means people apart from people there. ]

You don't have to do anything more than just... be here. I just need you to be here, and don't leave me alone.

[ Sitting in silence and doing nothing... But his words aren't very effective right now and he makes her mad with every small thing he does, so all Kido really wants is his presence. Just him being him. That's all. ]

Yeah, I can do that.

[ He swallows his own feelings and drops the smile. Terry sits down on the edge of the bed now so that it could be a little more comfortable for Kido's posture. He's quiet after, even though he's the worst at sitting still and doing absolutely nothing. This wasn't what he had in mind when he talked with Kido about relaxing while doing nothing at all, but he takes all this in stride and just does it.

He looks ahead at the white wall of the room. There's nothing particularly interesting on it, but it's something to keep his eyes on while he gently pats Kido's back mindlessly in two-second intervals.

His exhaustion is very close to catching up with him, but he wills himself to stay grounded despite his current low energy levels. His head also feels like it's throbbing... ]

[ For Kido, sitting still and doing absolutely nothing is an escape, not something to escape from, so when Terry agrees and she can let go of some of that fear, go back to leaning on Terry with her ear pressed up against his heart and letting her eyes close as he pats her back. Her breath hitches every once in a while, but it's helping. Her nose is so stuffy she has to breathe through her mouth and her throat doesn't like that, threatening to close and making the hiccups worse. Her head hearts. Her heart does too, but hurting is so much better than feeling absolutely nothing at all.

The tears stop eventually. Her breathing evens out. She's fallen asleep, and it'll just be like this for the next couple of days. Waking up, rejecting reality, and going back to sleep. Inconsolable. ]

[ Terry will stay at the hospital for all those days for however long Kido wants him by his side. He takes out his phone, and inputs a long distance command to Rimi to watch over the house and feed the cats at certain time intervals. It sure is nice, having a house buddy at times like these. With a quiet sigh, he continues to watch over Kido. There are times when the nurses come to change Kido's bandages and apply an ointment that will help soothe the burn and wounds. They also recommend her to take painkillers, which are on the bedside stool. Terry temporarily leaves Kido's side when the nurses come, but not that far--just beyond the curtain pulled around the bed area and makes sure that Kido knows he's there, since she'd be able to see his feet.

He eventually gets his sleep too, and this would also repeat for the next several days. ]

[ Over the next few days, the healing is remarkable compared to what it would normally take: a couple of days instead of weeks for Kido's burns to heal, her left arm in a cast and shoulder in a splint that could be removed by the end of the month if she continues to do as well as she is, her head is fine and her heart is healing but only physically. She's quiet the entire time, only speaking when spoken to but otherwise she would go the entire day without speaking if she could get away with it, earbuds in her ears and eyes closed as she lies in bed so she can lose herself in a whole different world. She takes her painkillers, and sleeps the days away. Honestly, she feels selfish, keeping Terry here with her when she's like that, but she can't bring herself to tell him to go home. She's wasting his time. Selfish selfish selfish.

"Nowell-kun..." The nurse pulls him aside at the end of the week, when Kido is allowed to be discharged. She is here to give him more homework: do your best not to upset Kido, because it'll be hard for her to heal fully if she's overly emotional and distraught all the time; she's seen how every time Terry's in the hospital lately, somebody is either screaming or crying or dead. ]

[ He's been waking up these past several days with nightmares that they were killed again, and when he opens his eyes, he sees that they're fine. It reminds him of the nightmares he had during the first five years of his life, living in disgust, fear, and paranoia that no place felt like a safe haven, not even his dreams.

Terry has been all three at some point in the hospital, but he'll take the homework, since he's very determined to help Kido to fully heal, if only physically for now. Mental and emotional health are important too--he knows that--but they need to take this one step at a time. But the thing is, he's not sure how he should go about doing this. He's only ever talks about the first thing that pops into his head.

...

He really is only good for breaking things, huh.

Terry has only lived in a selfish way throughout his life, but it's not his turn to be selfish anymore. With that resolution made up in his mind, he nods at the nurse and... that's it. There's no retort. No backtalking. No whining. He signs all the paperwork after.

He quietly breathes out. Things are different now. Despite his mental exhaustion, he goes back to where Kido is on the bed. ]

Hey, ready to go?

[ Kido's sitting on the bed when Terry returns, a single bag on her lap that contains everything that she had with her before coming here, wearing a plain black t-shirt and long pants because her hoodies had gotten too burnt in the fire to salvage— both of them, the only things she had left of her parents, gone. It was only because she didn't want to get anything wet going through the first floor that her pockets were otherwise empty at the time, no phone or papers or anything, but it feels weird having no jacket pocket to stuff her hands in, and no hood to pull over her head and block out the rest of the world. All she has to distract is the hospital wrist band she fiddles with, replacing the omamori that she'd lost forever too.

But there's no helping any of that. Kido nods and gets up onto her feet, unsteady for how little she'd gotten out of bed the past few days, but after those first few steps, it looks like she's fine again. The first few steps are always the hardest, but she'll always push through, and she'll always be fine. ]

...Thanks for staying with me, Terrence. Let's go home.

[ It's a little strange to see Kido without her trademark hoodie, but he keeps his mouth shut and his mind bans that from ever going out of his mouth like several other thoughts he had before. He holds his hand out towards her. She's free to make that choice whether she wants to hold it or not. ]

Yeah, let's go home.

[ He smiles a little, glad to see that Kido can walk just fine. The past week has been a wild ride, and honestly, he's ready to rest. He wants to sleep off all the bad stuff and maybe brush the cats as distraction. He's never had a disdain towards hospitals before, but he'd rather be home. ]

[ Kido hands the bag over when Terry holds out his hand, because holding your hand out like that means "give"... But also because her left arm's in a cast, so she only has the right one free, and between holding the bag and holding Terry's hand, she has to free it up so she can curl her fingers around his, a loose grip but one that won't slip away.

No complaints about going home here, because no matter how much she sleeps in a hospital, there is no rest. Hospitals are just... bad memories, the blank white walls and the beeping and waking up in the middle of the night and imagining the nurse coming in to bother her mother again, frustrated and angry because maybe she would've gotten better if the nurse had left her alone and let her rest, maybe she wouldn't have died. But instead, it's Kido's own arm being poked, blood drawn, fluids replaced, the constant beeping driving her nuts because she can't tune that out like she can music. There's really no rest in a hospital. Even if she'd done nothing but sleep, had Terry there with her and she hoped he would be lying down and asleep whenever he could too, there's no rest.

She just wants to lie on the ground with ten cats piled on top of her and be like that forever. That'll work. ]

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